Groundworkers, 20 rules to live or die by.

Over 25 years ago i decided that my woking life needed a change in direction. Building houses on Green and Brownfield sites just wasn't doing it for me anymore.

I decided to become a general builder for a local gas fitting/plumbing/electrical installations company. It was a good move, my earnings escalated and my quality time became more regular.

Over the next 17 years i moved from Builder to builder/supervisor, then to supervisor and finally seven years as a contracts manager. Some of the last few years were difficult, as a large energy supplier brought the company out and basically ruined it.

In 2016 i was finally made redundant as the business was mothballed by the energy company that owned us.

I spent the next 12 months working for myself as a gas fitter. Taking a quote from a very famous movie "it's no country for old men" i found it difficult to make a good living.

In the years i had been absent from the groundworkers scene, the pay had increased rapidly. I therefore decided to dip my toes in the murky waters of new-build homes, as a groundworker once again.

It didn't take me long to realise that these guys now lived by some fairly harsh and unforgiving unwritten rules. There is no keeper of said rules, there is just a vast and not exhaustive number of men who live by them.
I have done my best to catalogue these rules and present them for your perusal.

THE RULES

Rule #1 Obey the rules.

Rule #2 Lead by example. (It is forbidden for someone familiar with The Rules to knowingly assist another person to breach them)

Rule #3 Give guidance to the uninitiated. (No matter how good you think your reason is to knowingly breach The Rules, it is never good enough.)

Rule #4 Everything you do at work is about being an animal. (It is, absolutely, without question, unequivocally, about the animalism. Anyone who says otherwise is obviously a fuckwit.)

Rule #5 Toughen the Fuck up! (under no circumstances should you ever show weakness)

Rule #6 Free your mind and the animalism will beggin. (Your mind is your worst enemy. Do all your thinking before you start work in the morning.  Once the van doors open, wrap yourself in the sensations of the site – the smell of the air, the sound of the dumpers, the feeling diesel fumes wafting through your nostrils.)

Rule #7 Talking about ones recent sexual exploits should occur before a shift begins.

Rule #8 Under no circumstances should one show interest in the days work ahead. (Anyone showing enthusiasm in the projects at hand will be called a cunt many many times)

Rule #9 Facial hair is expected, and must be suitably longer and scruffier by the end of the week.

Rule #10 All conversations should be constructed with sentences carrying an expletive every other word. (It is totally unacceptable to put a sentence together without expletives)

Rule #11 Nothing and i mean Nothing should make you emotional NOTHING! ( if you find yourself welling up at the E.T movie, refer yourself to rule #5)

Rule #12 if anyone of authority asks you where something is, you must reply with "i haven't seen it for ages".

Rule #13 Rain and inclement weather are not to be hidden from. Under no circumstances should you raise a brolly while working on site.

Rule #14 Eat as much processed food as you can stomach. Never ever refuse a chance to order greasy food from a cafe.

Rule #15 When things get tough during the day, go home and turn to the bottle. (do not drink wine, or any other light beverage, Whisky, beer and other non select hard beverages are acceptable)

Rule #17 It is considered a great offence to show any amount of your cultured upbringing whilest sat in the canteen. Pay particular attention to what newspaper you read, the Times would be considered a great insult to onlookers.

Rule #18 If driving a white van, one must drive aggressively and with no consideration for other road users. (if a passenger it is expected that you would offer words of encouragement to driver when performing cut ups and two fingered hand signals)

Rule #19 Young new members of the team should have their sex lives talked about repeatedly during break times. The more explicit their responses the more they are accepted. (If youngster is not capable of talking dirty they are referred to rule #5)

Rule #20 Treat women as objects when talking among your workmates. (Attitude towards women is that they have no feelings and are merely sexual objects, they deserve no respect and should be used and abused)

These are the top 20 rules i have observed thus far, there are far more yet to be documented.

It's a tough life being a builder on these sites, my hat is doffed to all who are tough enough to get through each week, and for all those that find it hard and are just about hanging in there.....refer yourself to rule #5!

Cycling my way to a good state of health.

I have recently taken to the sport of road cycling. It was in July 2014 that i took the leap and purchased a bike that had tyres so thin that they looked like they might explode when i got on it. And let me mention the saddle, it could have easily been lost in my arse crack with only an expedition of Sherpas able to find it. But still i had doled out £200 for it and i sure as hell was going to give it a go.

The whole cycling thing was inspired by one of my old mates who had posted on facebook that he had purchased an old racer for £30. Well my purchase was a bit more expensive but essentially it was two wheels and a bunch of gears.

Early winter of 2014 i had been out for a ride on my bike. My son Simon was a keen cyclist and accompanied me on many rides. This particular time i was alone and flying down Brownhills high street at a terminal velocity. Out of the local chippy stepped Mick, they guy who brought the £30 bike. As i passed him i shouted him MICK!! Well after he caught his bag of chips when almost jumping out of his skin he raised an arm.

About a week later i decided to pop him a message on facebook to say it was me who put the fear of god into him. He was surprised and listened when i told him it was he who inspired me. we have been close friends and cycling companions since that day.

Simon and me had talked about trying to get a few people together for a ride each Sunday, which i thought was a great idea. I put a post up on facebook asking if anyone wanted to meet at the top oak Brownhills and go for a boxing day ride around the local villages. Well the day came and just me and Simon ended up on the ride. We did about 15 miles that day and vowed to keep it up. Well the next Sunday Mick turned up, then the next Mick and Chris (Simons brother in law) turned up. 

I rode from my moms house (where we were living while waiting to move to our new house) to Bridgenorth on new years day. It was 64 miles and very quiet, in fact it was peaceful. i enjoyed it and have ever since had a taste for long distance cycling. 

The crowd that now turn up are up to 20 strong, though i think 11 is our most in one go. we have our own team kit and look fairly well organised.

I have completed a 100 mile ride in March, and so has my good wife Julie who has took to the sport admirably. She climbs hills like a mountain goat, and don't do too bad on the flat either. 

Our little group are called Shire Oak Leisure Riders, we really do take leisurely rides....most of the time. Occasionally i think i am 18 again and like to visit the man with the hammer (cycling chat for when you go to the hurt locker). i go find a hill and blast up it until i feel sick and weak to the point of collapse. There's something taking yourself to the limits that cleanses the soul.

Anyway, i intend to cycle for a long time to come. At present i am about to go watch the tour of Britain in Burnley. Then a couple of days riding in that area, may be a couple of hills as well. Then in October we will be going to Majorca for a week of cycling on hired carbon bikes. i will report back on that presently.

separation from slimming world.

I finally reached my target weight at slimming world, and took the decision to end my subscription.

It's been a journey that has taken me 16 months in which i have lost 8st 6lb.

I made many friends a SW and enjoyed every minute of it. I actually got a buzz from loosing the weight. I wish everyone who attends the very best of luck for the future.

Well as for me, i am seriously into my cycling now i can sit on a road bike and enjoy watching me go by the world.

I have helped some friends set up a cycle group which is getting stronger all of the time.

Julie, my beautiful wife has taken to road biking which suits me fine as i get great company on long rides.

More posts to follow, take care all.

A year in the life of a man at slimming world.

It's been a little over a year since i joined slimming world.
At the time i weighed in at 22st 6lb, having weighed 23st 13lb the previous month. i blogged about this here if you haven't already read it.
The journey to my target has been fairly smooth, with the odd speed bump along the way. I did however see all the speed bumps coming, which made them easier to negotiate.

During the year i have had Three different consultants, one of which (Madie) was temporary. Our groups latest consultant Rachel is a credit to SW, and a credit to herself.

My year started with me rocking up to the group vouchers in hand, and a head full of ideas and ambition. I had loosely followed SW plan before joining, hence the drop from 23st 13lb to 22st 6lb. It was a conscious decision i made to stay at group as often as possible, this is something i do not regret. It is in my opinion the people who stay behind who will be most successful, even when a bad week has been had.

I blogged a post about men at slimming world here. I feel sincerely that is is easier for men to lose weight than women. My hat goes off to women who lose weight and keep it off. Women are subject to more peer pressure than men, they also have more uncontrollable influences upon them than men. For instance, Women are often expected to look after the family (children and husbands), regardless of if they hold down a full time job or not. Providing family with SW friendly food can be difficult as children often want and need high calorific value food (well they are growing). Husbands don't usually mind if they become a little overweight, it's not such of a stigma for men is it? A nice juicy steak and chips with fried onion rings goes down well after a day at work for a man, doesn't it? My point being that presenting hubby with a plate of tomato cuscus and the finest selection of salad isn't going to be appreciated quite the same as a steaming hot pie and chips is it? With the kids, we often find they ask for food then leave most of it on the plate (uncontrollable). It's a major temptation to eat that food rather than bin it. Binning the food is like throwing money down the drain, not easy when budgets are tight i know. The only way to beat this is to become focused on your short or long term goals.

The middle section of my year was probably the easiest time i had for losing weight. Without much effort i could shed 2.5lb per week. I was also finding it easier to exercise and stay focused. Its always a boost when people around you are beginning to notice your weight loss, the comments received acted as a spur to drive one on.
Below is a chart showing my weekly progress, the speed bumps are last years holiday.

I don't follow the SW plan to the book, i never have. I think it's whatever works for you that matters. My plan is loosely based on SW plan, with a bit of my own ideas thrown in for good luck.

The later part of my year has been a deceleration in weight loss, and i am comfortable with that. I find the exercise i am doing is building muscle and changing my body shape for the better. This is something everyone should take into their consideration, as some weeks when you are active you may increase muscle mass and possibly put a little weight on. The body will feel firmer and look better though, so don't get down.

To summarize my year i would say that i have had a good start with a consistent middle and a expected tail to target. My lifestyle has changed for the better as a result of the SW influence. This is something everyone should embrace if they want results. Change the lifestyle change your weight for life.
Good luck if your on the plan, and believe in yourself.

P.S
I have decided to push on with another stone loss over the next few months. once i get to 15st i will stay put.....i think.

The tour de Brownhills with Garmin Verb Elite.

A ride around my home town.

I recently became the proud owner of a Garmin Verb Elite. This is a small camera device which is great for recording cycle rides, runs or anything else for that matter.

I will say that so far i have had loads of problems with the device, so much so that the first one had to go back to the seller.

The second device i had sent out to me has been trouble free so far. I had to purchase a second part to allow me to mount it on my handlebars. There is a mounting device that comes with the device which i feel is more suitable for mounting on a car dashboard.

Here are my video's please watch and enjoy.

Stage 1 of the tour de Brownhills.

Stage 2 of the tour de Brownhills.

Stage 3 of the tour de Brownhills.

If you like or not, please leave me some feedback.

Slimming world and my Mr slinky speech.

My Motivation to weight loss.

12 months ago if someone had said to me "if you lose 7 stone in weight, your penis will grow by 11 inches and you will become immensely Rich" i would have lost that 7 stones in four months.
if on the other hand they had said to me "if you Don't lose 7 stone in weight you will inevitably become subject to illnesses and probably suffer an early death" i would have said "pppfftt yer right"!
Its amazing how we become motivated by things that are purely material, and our health sits on the back burner.

Well earlier this year i realised that my health was on the line due to my weight problem! I weighed in at 23st12lb and inevitably i was suffering for it.

Too many times before i have thought "i will go on a diet and sort things out", but it didn't get much further than that. Lets say it was a token gesture, so that if some one mentioned weight problems i could say "yes, im on a diet". it would be an excuse for me to carry on necking bottles of wine and take away meals.  i would indulge in high fat fast food and convenience snacks while proclaiming that i was trying hard to lose weight.

Well that was not going to happen this time! I felt a steely determination flushing through my veins.  Finally the most important thing happened, i stopped making excuses. There was no more "well at least i am trying" rationalizations.

So at the very end of February i turned up at SW, not knowing exactly what to expect although i knew a lot about the diet and methods used. I was already one and a half stone down from my heaviest as i was doing the slimming world plan in my own fashion.

This was the first time i met my fellow sufferers, that is you lot. To say i was nervous was an understatement, though that fear was soon put to bed. You made me feel normal and at home to which i am eternally grateful.

From that day forwards i have stuck to my plan, it's not text book Slimming world, but it is built on their fundamentals.
I don't eat bread at all any more and i don't miss it. (not something sw recommend)
I avoid pastry at all costs and i don't miss it. (not something sw recommend)
Now i do miss the odd drop of alcohol, but it's a sacrifice that i have to make as i have a goal or even "a mountain to climb".

Throughout my life i have been on one of three levels of mind in relation to my weight.
1) I am unhappy with my weight and i am going to make a token effort to lose weight. (most of my life)
2) I am unhappy with my weight and i will do something about it every day of the rest of my life. (That's me now)
3) I am happy with my weight. (this only occurred when i was a new born, or when i am totally drunk out of my head or when i forgot how much of a lump i am or was!)

So there you have it, i am going to do something about it for the rest of my life, and as for the penis extension......well i will just have to make do with fruity Rivitas i suppose. (see reference below).

Fruity Rivita reference; One of our elder statesmen male members, one made a joke in group about how women like things long and hard like the stiff fruity rivitas. It took him a while to get over it.

If you like what i do and it helps motivate you, drop me a dollar, i can then make some more.

Brownhills on a cycle.

I have been improving my fitness  of late, with the aid of a little cycling.
Recently I posted the videos on Facebook for the benefit of those who no longer live in the area.
The video is set to rave music, to which I only listen to infrequently.
Well here you go, enjoy your tour of Brownhills West and Clayhanger.
Here part 1.
Here part 2.
Here part 3.