I decided to become a general builder for a local gas fitting/plumbing/electrical installations company. It was a good move, my earnings escalated and my quality time became more regular.
Over the next 17 years i moved from Builder to builder/supervisor, then to supervisor and finally seven years as a contracts manager. Some of the last few years were difficult, as a large energy supplier brought the company out and basically ruined it.
In 2016 i was finally made redundant as the business was mothballed by the energy company that owned us.
I spent the next 12 months working for myself as a gas fitter. Taking a quote from a very famous movie "it's no country for old men" i found it difficult to make a good living.
In the years i had been absent from the groundworkers scene, the pay had increased rapidly. I therefore decided to dip my toes in the murky waters of new-build homes, as a groundworker once again.
It didn't take me long to realise that these guys now lived by some fairly harsh and unforgiving unwritten rules. There is no keeper of said rules, there is just a vast and not exhaustive number of men who live by them.
I have done my best to catalogue these rules and present them for your perusal.
THE RULES
Rule #1 Obey the rules.
Rule #2 Lead by example. (It is forbidden for someone familiar with The Rules to knowingly assist another person to breach them)
Rule #3 Give guidance to the uninitiated. (No matter how good you think your reason is to knowingly breach The Rules, it is never good enough.)
Rule #4 Everything you do at work is about being an animal. (It is, absolutely, without question, unequivocally, about the animalism. Anyone who says otherwise is obviously a fuckwit.)
Rule #5 Toughen the Fuck up! (under no circumstances should you ever show weakness)
Rule #6 Free your mind and the animalism will beggin. (Your mind is your worst enemy. Do all your thinking before you start work in the morning. Once the van doors open, wrap yourself in the sensations of the site – the smell of the air, the sound of the dumpers, the feeling diesel fumes wafting through your nostrils.)
Rule #7 Talking about ones recent sexual exploits should occur before a shift begins.
Rule #8 Under no circumstances should one show interest in the days work ahead. (Anyone showing enthusiasm in the projects at hand will be called a cunt many many times)
Rule #9 Facial hair is expected, and must be suitably longer and scruffier by the end of the week.
Rule #10 All conversations should be constructed with sentences carrying an expletive every other word. (It is totally unacceptable to put a sentence together without expletives)
Rule #11 Nothing and i mean Nothing should make you emotional NOTHING! ( if you find yourself welling up at the E.T movie, refer yourself to rule #5)
Rule #12 if anyone of authority asks you where something is, you must reply with "i haven't seen it for ages".
Rule #13 Rain and inclement weather are not to be hidden from. Under no circumstances should you raise a brolly while working on site.
Rule #14 Eat as much processed food as you can stomach. Never ever refuse a chance to order greasy food from a cafe.
Rule #15 When things get tough during the day, go home and turn to the bottle. (do not drink wine, or any other light beverage, Whisky, beer and other non select hard beverages are acceptable)
Rule #17 It is considered a great offence to show any amount of your cultured upbringing whilest sat in the canteen. Pay particular attention to what newspaper you read, the Times would be considered a great insult to onlookers.
Rule #18 If driving a white van, one must drive aggressively and with no consideration for other road users. (if a passenger it is expected that you would offer words of encouragement to driver when performing cut ups and two fingered hand signals)
Rule #19 Young new members of the team should have their sex lives talked about repeatedly during break times. The more explicit their responses the more they are accepted. (If youngster is not capable of talking dirty they are referred to rule #5)
Rule #20 Treat women as objects when talking among your workmates. (Attitude towards women is that they have no feelings and are merely sexual objects, they deserve no respect and should be used and abused)
These are the top 20 rules i have observed thus far, there are far more yet to be documented.
It's a tough life being a builder on these sites, my hat is doffed to all who are tough enough to get through each week, and for all those that find it hard and are just about hanging in there.....refer yourself to rule #5!
